Life

Seeing My Daughter with New Eyes

My daughter finally, finally got her new glasses last week. She had her first eye exam in the nick of time, before the world shut down, and then of course shipping and production slowed to a crawl. ⁣⁣⁣
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Adelina was so happy when I told her we were going to pick up her glasses — handed off with gloves and mask outside the optometrist’s office.

When she put them on and saw the world in clearer definition, I realized something too: I am grateful for these glasses. I’m grateful she can see better, that we can start the patching process before she goes out into the world and into school. ⁣⁣⁣
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But I’m also very grateful for my own vision correction: seeing these goofy little kid’s glasses on her (and yes, she’s absolutely adorable) made me realize that she’s still just a little child. She’s so clever and catches on so much better than we realize sometimes, she’s so responsible and helpful and talented, she talks like a much older child … and I realized I’ve been expecting so, so much of her. ⁣⁣⁣
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I’m ashamed to admit I’ve probably also been projecting some foolish expectations about beauty — as careful as I am to speak positively of our bodies and praise her for more than her looks, there’s that small part of me that is fearful of what the world will throw at her — has anything really changed that much?⁣⁣⁣
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She’s an oldest child, and it’s a heavy burden to bear. (I should know!) It’s not fair of me to expect so much exactness and emotional maturity from her. I realize, every time I look at her, that she’s still a very little person with emotions and brains too big for her body right now, and I need to be so very careful not to crush her under the weight of my expectations.⁣⁣⁣
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I’m grateful for these glasses because they’re a constant reminder to see her as she really is, right now. That perspective shift has been a Godsend in these crazy weeks and months: I’ve been stopping myself constantly and slowing down to connect and work through big feelings, and I can already see a difference. Here’s to letting our kids be little for a little bit longer. ❤️

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